Wednesday, September 21, 2011

101 annoying things to do.

Oh a quick reminder, Youth Amped is at 4pm at the church on saturdays. What is it you ask? It is a time for the teens to hang out until service starts. There is basketball, games, and...stuff...don't ask me what kind of stuff because i can't remember everything. More jokes!

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Living things up a bit.

101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog."

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

Made you think!

Okay, here's the deal... no cheating! I will know!!! okay maybe not.... here's a clue, its by Emily Dickinson...

I am, in truth, a yellow fork
from tables in the sky
by inadvertent fingers dropped
the awful cutlery
of mansions never quite disclosed
and never quite concealed
the apparatus of the dark
to ignorance revealed

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Changing the World

Not too long ago some one told me there has only been two real revolutionaries in the world. To be honest I was perplexed at the notion, after all the men and women that played in part of history there are only two worth mentioning. Well I figured one out... JESUS, but the other was Adam. You see these are the two that have completely changed humanity. How so? Adam brought sin unto the world and Jesus came to take it away. Everyone else just moved the furniture around. :) So think about because every day your making a choice. Will you stand in Sin? Or be cleansed by the merciful Savior? Each day you represent your choice and there is no middle ground. Make a decision and stand by it because people are watching and if you are the only "bible" they ever "read" everything they will ever know about Jesus are your actions. 1 Peter 1:16