I have grown up in church and have always known the truth my whole life because my parents and pastors have always told me like it is and never watered it down. At a young age I had a sensitive heart for God, I had child-like faith and believed that anything was possible. Things began to change when I became older and slowly I was introduced to things and people that I shouldn't of been introduced to. I have a good home but a few traumatic things happened and continued on through the years. But it ended at an abrupt halt one day. My older brother took his life at the age of 17. I was only 13 years old at the time. My brother was my hero, I wanted to be just like him and now he was gone. I thought I had problems before, but this changed everything. My heart became cold, I became hard and lifeless on the inside. I never showed emotion, I never talked to anyone about anything. I thought I was crazy because of the way that I felt on the inside. I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t open up, I couldn’t let go. It hurt so bad and I couldn’t get rid of the pain.
I tried to have boyfriends, I thought maybe they could take it away, or popularity, or friends, or clothes, or music, or looks, but it all just hurt me further. I did not know what peace was. It took three years of hurt and confusion to come humbly on my knees before God. I remember the day I was saved, it was Wednesday night at church. Not a special service, or a revival, just church. I remember thinking in that service that I was sick of myself, sick of my life, sick of the hurt and sick of being so confused all the time. And I knew that I was headed for a devils hell if I didn't change, so I made up in my mind that I was getting saved when he pulled that alter call, and I did. I don't remember what I prayed or said, I just remember thinking to myself, "I'm never going to be the same again". I was 16 years old. And since then, I haven't been the same. I thank God so much for all that He has done for me. It has been a long road but through it all God has been my closest friend. I have failed and messed up again and again. I can’t even count how many times. But no matter how far I fell because of my own decisions Jesus was always there to pick me right back up and set me on the right path again. I love Him. I would have nothing without Him.
I tried to have boyfriends, I thought maybe they could take it away, or popularity, or friends, or clothes, or music, or looks, but it all just hurt me further. I did not know what peace was. It took three years of hurt and confusion to come humbly on my knees before God. I remember the day I was saved, it was Wednesday night at church. Not a special service, or a revival, just church. I remember thinking in that service that I was sick of myself, sick of my life, sick of the hurt and sick of being so confused all the time. And I knew that I was headed for a devils hell if I didn't change, so I made up in my mind that I was getting saved when he pulled that alter call, and I did. I don't remember what I prayed or said, I just remember thinking to myself, "I'm never going to be the same again". I was 16 years old. And since then, I haven't been the same. I thank God so much for all that He has done for me. It has been a long road but through it all God has been my closest friend. I have failed and messed up again and again. I can’t even count how many times. But no matter how far I fell because of my own decisions Jesus was always there to pick me right back up and set me on the right path again. I love Him. I would have nothing without Him.
